Bad Hallmark Channel Christmas Movie of the Week Radio Theatre Podcast

Saw this on Facebook and could not resist sharing…

“@keatonpatti: I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hour of Hallmark Christmas movies and then asked it to write a Hallmark Christmas movie of its own. Here is the first page…”

SETTING: International small town snow globe refillery. We see a SINGLE MOTHER refilling snow globes with Christmas juice. She is a widow. Her husband died in every war.

SINGLE MOTHER
I refill globes better than Jesus Claus, yet still my twins are dad-free. Why? They need double-dad.

BUSINESS MAN enters the shop. He wears clothes that cost money. His hands are briefcases. He is Hallmark Hot.

SINGLE MOTHER
Hi. Do your snow globes lack wet? Hurry. Christmas attacks soon.

BUSINESS MAN has flashback to when he was BUSINESS BOY. A Christmas tree explodes his family on purpose. He now hates trees and Christmas and explosions. He exits the flashback.

BUSINESS MAN
Shut your sound! I am from Huge City. I bought your land and am turning it into an oil resort.

SINGLE MOTHER
Rude behavior! This is a family business. I sell families. I am a widow. My husband is now bones.

SINGLE MOTHER points to her husband’s bones in the corner of the room. They are gift wrapped in eggnog.

BUSINESS MAN
All of my wives are bones! That is America. But I must make money for my twins to live. They are a prince.

SINGLE MOTHER
I too own twins. Please, don’t have bought my land. Christmas is today.

BUSINESS MAN
Laugh! I bought Christmas and now it is never! Unless we go on dates.

SINGLE MOTHER
I cannot date because of a snow curse. I pray Santa helps me.

Santa cannot help. SINGLE MOTHER did not know but Santa was her husband. Santa is bones. Bones help nobody.———————-

As Tiny Tim said, “God bless us, every one.”
A very merry, one and all.

2 thoughts on “Bad Hallmark Channel Christmas Movie of the Week Radio Theatre Podcast

    1. Rude behavior!
      First I’ve ever heard the stuff inside a globe is called “Christmas juice.”
      But, it is sad her husband died in every war. I mean, dude, that’s harsh.
      Merry Ho-Ho-Ho, T!

      Liked by 1 person

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